Act Two, Scene Two
by Inkstain'd
Summary: Karkat Vantas performs Act 2 Scene 2 of Romeo and Juliet. Enough said. Contains Yu-Gi-Oh Character. Rated M for Karkat's swearing


**Hey Guys! Number five is a little off schedule, due to weather and all together laziness.**

**Hope you enjoy it!**

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[Act 2, Scene 2]

Karkat looked at the script in his hand, scowl going to rest on his face as always.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS EGBERT?" he asked. John went to laugh nervously, before a cough interrupted him. Karkat looked at his matesprit with concern, before pressing a kiss to his feverish forehead.

"I was supposed to be in a play. I was even the lead man! But I got sick. Could you..?" Karkat growled.

"IF YOU THINK I'M GOING TO ACT, YOU'RE SADLY MISTAKEN." Karkat told him. John's blue eyes looked up at him sadly.

"Please Karkat? I don't want to let them down." his hand went to grip Karkat's. The troll sighed.

"WHATEVER. WHAT'S IT ABOUT?" John chuckled weakly.

"It's a tragic love story. Written by a famous human playwright, Shakespeare." Karkat rolled his eyes.

"I'LL GO DO THE STUPID PLAY. YOU STAY HERE AND GET BETTER." John wrapped his arms around Karkat's neck, pulling him into a gentle hug.

"You're the best." he pressed a dry kiss to his cheek. "I love you." Karkat's ears turned red, and his voice softened.

"Love you too." he whispered back, returning the gesture.

The theater was full of actors in costume, and they all turned to watch Karkat as he walked in.

"DO YOU ALL HAVE A PROBLEM?" they shook their heads. "I'M HERE TO REPLACE EGBERT." What he assumed was the director's head shot up, gray eyes falling on him.

"Fantastic!" A rolled up script met palm as the director responded enthusiastically. "We will have this play yet!" Karkat rolled his eyes.

"I'M SOME FUCKASS NAMED ROMEO, RIGHT?" Not paying attention to him, the director went about waving her arms, and directing people in general. Karkat coughed, trying to get her attention, and proceeded to fail. "HEY BULGELICKER. PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION." She turned around, brunette braid swinging."EXCUSE ME FOR ACTUALLY TRYING TO GET SOMETHING FUCKING DONE. WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME?"

"Over in the Capulet gardens. We're doing the famous balcony scene from Act 2. Do you need a-" he snatched the script from her hands, storming off in the direction she pointed, passing Dave on the way there. The albino nodded his head in a sort of cool-kid hello, before going back to speak to one of the other actors. Karkat wondered who the hell he was playing, before deciding he really didn't fucking care.

Walking into the scene, he almost left. A woman, taller than him, was arguing with what seemed to be the costume manager.

"I'm not going to wear it." She swore, crossing her arms over her chest, glaring at the man. He cowered underneath his gaze.

"W-well, Juliet wore-"

"I don't care what she wore!" The man scurried off, probably to meet her demands. Had John met the woman who was going to be Juliet? Karkat highly doubted it. Purple eyes fell on him, instead of letting her introduce herself, Karkat scowled.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH YOUR HAIR?" He asked. Her face turned a shade of rage as he basically insulted the odd, spiky look.

"Why do you have horns?" She shot back.

"I'M A FUCKING TROLL." he explained, not bothering to hide his exasperation. "HUMANS ARE SO FUCKING DENSE." She visibly grit her teeth.

"Whatever. Who are you playing anyway?"

"I DON'T FUCKING KNOW. WAS THERE A THIRD PARTY IN THIS SCENE I WASN'T AWARE OF?" The woman frowned.

"So, the original Romeo bailed too?" That made more sense.

"HE'S SICK, SO SHUT THE FUCK UP."

"Touchy." She smiled, and it was filled with a venom that Karkat was used to with that selfish bitch Vriska. She swaggered forward, extending a hand. "Mai Valentine, or 'Juliet'." He took the offered hand, making sure to clip her with his claws. She winced, and pulled back.

"KARKAT MOTHERFUCKING VANTAS." he returned her grin with malice. Out of nowhere, the costume designer was back with a bundle of darker clothing. Karkat found himself in a rather medieval looking tunic not too much later, trying to ignore the fact that he was in the tights. Mai had ascended the steps to her 'balcony', and Karkat looked at the script, before tossing it away. He got what he was aiming for. But fuck it, he was free-styling this stupid ass shit.

"And, action!" There was his cue. He stomped across the wooden floor, among the fake trees, knocking one over by 'accident'.

"STUPID MOTHERFUCKER, HE JESTS AT SCARS THAT NEVER FELT A FUCKING WOUND." the people supervising looked at each other, before shrugging and going with it. Mai, er, Juliet stepped on to the balcony.

"BUT SOFT, WHAT LIGHT THROUGH THAT WINDOW OVER FUCKING THERE BREAKS? IT IS A DIRECTIONALLY CHALLENGED SUN, BY THE NAME OF JULIET. ARISE, FAIR NOOKSTAIN, AND KILL THE ABNORMALLY WHITE MOON, WHO'S ALREADY ON HER FUCKING WAY OUT." 'Juliet' rose an eyebrow at his ridiculous rendition, but didn't stop the scene. "THAT THOU HER SERVANT ARE MORE BEAUTIFUL THEN THE STUPID FUCKER. STOP BEING HER FUCKING SLAVE, YOU IDIOT, BECAUSE SHE'S A JEALOUS FUCKING WHORE. WHATEVER A VESTAL LIVERY IS IS SICK AND FUCKING GREEN, AND NO ONE BUT FOOLS WEAR THE SHIT, SO TAKE IT THE FUCK OFF.

IT IS THAT LADY! GOG I HOPE SHE NEVER FINDS OUT THAT I'M DOWN HERE. IF SHE DID, I MIGHT HAVE TO ACTUALLY FUCKING TALK TO HER. IT LOOKS LIKE SHE'S FUCKING TALKING TO HERSELF, THE PYSCHO. WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE SAYING. I'M TOO MUCH OF A PANSY TO TALK TO HER. I'M GOING TO FUCKING LEAVE HER TO HER CONVERSATION WITH HERSELF AS SHE STARES UP AT SOME BURNING BALLS OF GAS IN THE SKY, LIKE THEY CAN TALK BACK. BETTER YET, I'LL JUST CONTINUE TO STAND DOWN HERE LIKE A CREEPY OLD FUCKING MAN OR SOME SHIT." Karkat thought a moment, trying to figure out how to properly screw up the next line, before shrugging. "THE BRIGHTNESS IN HER CHEEKS WOULD SHAME THOSE STARS, AS DAYLIGHT PUTS A LIGHTBULB TO SHAME. HER EYES WOULD SHINE THROUGH THE CLOUDS BRIGHTLY, AND MAKE THE BIRDS ALL SUDDENLY NOCTURNAL. BET SHE'S MOTHERFUCKING TIRED, AS SHE RESTS HER DOUBLE-CHIN ON HER FAT HAND. I HOPE THAT I NEVER HAVE THE PLEASURE TO BE THAT GLOVE, OR TOUCH THAT CHEEK." Mai cleared her throat.

"Ay, me!" Karkat rolled his eyes.

"OH. SHE CAN TALK. THOUGHT SHE WAS LIKE...HELEN KELLER. MAYBE IT WAS A FLUKE. I BET IT HAPPENS. RETARDED FUCKS TALK ALL THE TIME. THEIR STUPIDITY ISN'T GLORIOUS. NEITHER IS THIS TERRIBLY PAINTED NIGHT SKY. ARE THOSE STARS ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO BE THAT YELLOW? IT'S ALMOST FUCKING NEON. IT IS NEON, ISN'T IT? OH, FUCK, BACK TO LEERING AT WOMEN ON BALCONIES. OH GOG, IS THAT A CLOUD? CLOUDS DON'T LOOK LIKE THAT." Mai ignored him completely.

"O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?"she said dramatically.

"HEY, FUCKASS, DOWN HERE." she pretended not to hear.

"Deny thy father and refuse thy name; or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I'll no longer be a Capulet."

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? HELLO? DO I REALLY HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS SHIT?" Karkat asked.

"'Tis but thy name that is my enemy; thou art thyself, though not a Montague. What's Montague?"

"FUCK IF I KNOW."

"It is nor hand, nor foot,"

"OBVIOUSLY."

"Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part belonging to a man."

"NOT A FUCKING BULGE, GOT IT. CAN WE GO ON?"

"O, be some other name! What's in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet."

"I BEG TO DIFFER. I HATE THE SMELL OF ROSES EITHER WAY."

"So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd, retain that dear perfection which he owes without that title. Romeo, doff thy name, and for that name which is no part of thee, take all myself." she finished, looking lonely and lost.

"HEY, NOT TO INTERUPT ANYTHING, BUT I'M NOT FUCKING ROMEO."

"What man art thou that thus bescreen'd in night, so stumblest on my counsel?" Mai asked.

"YOU JUST TOLD ME TO GET RID OF MY FUCKING NAME. THANKS FOR FINALLY PAYING ATTENTION NOW, BY THE WAY. DO YOU HAVE SELECTIVE FUCKING HEARING OR SOME OTHER SAD HUMAN SHIT?"

"My ears have not yet drunk a hundred words-"

"WE JUST FUCKING MET."

"-Of that tounge's utterance, yet I know the sound. Art thou not Romeo and a Montague?"

"NO. I'M KARKAT VANTAS. BAD MEMORY MUCH?"

"How camest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore? The orchard walls are high and and hard to climb, and the place death, considering who thou art, if any of my kinsmen find thee here."

"THE FRONT GATE WAS OPEN AND I WALKED THE FUCK IN, AND YOUR 'KINSMEN' ARE PLAYING TONGUE HOCKEY WITH THE SERVANTS."

"If they do see thee-"

"-I DON'T THINK THEY WILL-"

"-they will murder thee."

"I'D LIKE TO SEE THAT."

"I'd not for the world they saw thee here."

"THAT SENTENCE IS SO FUCKED UP. BESIDES, I CAN'T SEE MY HAND IN FRONT OF MY FUCKING FACE. HOW COULD THEY FIND ME?"

"By whose direction found'st thou out this place?"

"JUST LOOKED FOR THE HOUSE WITH THE BALCONY. SOMEONE TOLD ME THE OWNER WAS DRUNK OFF HIS ASS, AND I WANTED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HIS MOMENTARY STATE OF INTOXICATION AND PARTAKE IN THE AGE-OLD TRADITION OF NEIGHBORLY THIEVERY."

"Thou know'st the mask of night is on my face, else would a maiden blush bepaint my cheek." This sounded a bit strained, and it almost caused Karkat to smile. "For that which thou hast heard me speak to-night."

"YEAH, DON'T YOU HAVE A FUCKING DIARY?"

"Fain would I dwell on form, fain, fain deny. What I have spoke: but farewell compliment! Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say 'ay,' and I will take thy word,"

"I DON'T LOVE YOU. I DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW YOU." Kakart interjected.

"Yet if thou swear'st, thou may'st prove false; at lovers' perjuries. Then say, love laughs, O gentle Romeo. If thou dost love, pronounce it faithfully: Or if thouo think'st I am too quickly won-"

"YOU'RE DEFINTITELY A WHORE."

"-I'll frown and be perverse an say thee nay. So thou wilt woo, but else not, for the world." a soft breath. Karkat yawned. This was getting boring, fast. "In truth, fair Montague, I am too fond, and therefore thou mayst think my 'havior light: But trust me gentleman, I'll prove more true than those that have more cunning to be strange. I should have been more strange, I must confess. But that thou overheard'st, ere I was ware."

"I TOLD YOU I WAS HERE."

"My true love's passion: therefore pardon me, and not impute this yielding to light love-" there was a rustling, then a copy of the playbook flew out the window, nearly hitting Karkat. "Fuck this stupid shit. Now you know my fucking heart's desire, because you creep in woman's gardens at night." Now that was interesting.

"SO, FUCKING DELUSIONAL SUN, I SWEAR-"

"Don't swear by the moon, she's an inconstant bitch. Ever heard of the cycles of the moon?" The simulated torch light illuminated the midnight black dress, and glinted off the blond hair, a scowl to match Karkat's on her face.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO I SWEAR BY?"

"Don't swear at all. How old are you, thirteen? If anything swear by yourself."

"HOW ABOUT THE SIGNLESS?"

"I said not at fucking all, unless by yourself! We aren't disputing this motherfucker. Now I'm going to sleep, go bother some other girl standing on her balcony."

"YOU MADE ME LISTEN TO ALL THAT SHIT AND NOW YOU EXPECT ME TO LEAVE?"

"What the fuck do you want?"

"MONEY."

"Fat chance."

"I'LL USE WHAT I HEARD AS BLACKMAIL."

"You wouldn't!" It almost sounded genuine.

"I WOULD, AND I WILL."

"Fuck you." she took a random prop and threw it at him. He caught it with ease. "Here's a gold candelabra. Enjoy your night."

"NIGHT FUCKASS." He heard someone call cut, and immediately went to change. He'd be having words with his matesprit. That was fucking _terrible. _That was the last time he let John rope him into doing something for him. And gog damn if these tights didn't pinch all the wrong places! Walking into the dressing room, he saw Dave, handcuffed to a bench. He looked up at Karkat, mirror shades reflecting the trolls face.

"Sup dude?"

"NOT NOW STRIDER." Karkat then proceeded to change and go home, not questioning why Dave was handcuffed in the first place, then ultimately deciding, that in the end, he probably didn't want the answer.

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**I had so much fun writing this :D **

**PLEASE REVIEW. PLEASE. I AM BEGGING YOU. FLAME ME, GIVE ME SOME FEEDBACK! SOMETHING!**


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